Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
