The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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