Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
