please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
