I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
