You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He felt like a one man threesome
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Couch. On fire.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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