someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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