Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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