when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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