I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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