Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
