Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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