Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
