Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
