Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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