if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize