I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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