Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
