I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
