I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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