Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize