if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
