Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
