we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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