This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
