eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
