a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
