smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
