just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
