ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
