i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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