Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
