Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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