just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
