Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
