In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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