I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize