the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
