Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
