I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
