You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
