I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
