Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize