Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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