If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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