He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
