I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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