I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize