so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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