I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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