she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
