This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
