I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
