dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
