i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
