That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
