Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
