You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
