been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize