Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
