I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize