My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
