I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
