my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
