Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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