how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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