Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Even my vagina gasped.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
