if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
