I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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