She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize