he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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