btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I touched a dick in church today
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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