he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
