im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
