before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
